Day 3 of 88 My Journey to Journee

It's funny how memories work, I remember every detail about today. It was going home day, the day I went home from the hospital with a baby girl. The feelings that I had, I couldn't believe it, I had finally gotten my little girl. She was mine, she was so perfect, so beautiful. All I wanted to do was hold her forever and never let her go.

There is an episode in Vampire diaries Where Elana one of the actresses loses her brother. The pain was so overwhelming she yells in anguish "NO, NO, NO, I Can't, I Can't, I Can't ... Make it stop, Make it stop!!!! It hurts so bad make it stop... That entire scene took me out. Although it's just TV I felt the pain as she said the words. I remember hearing the doctor say the words sorry she is gone and everything in my body ached. It was paralyzing, it weakened me I fell to my knees I remember yelling those exact same words. Make it stop, It hurts so bad.

Even now to this day, I am paralyzed with pain, back then it was new I couldn't make it stop now I have adapted. Pain has become my new normal, apart of my new existence. All I have left is Love and Pain there is a constant battle of both. Some days Love wins, and others Pain Wins...